Post Sixty-Six

A FUNERAL LESSON

I attended a funeral for Dick last Saturday. In doing so I learned about a man who lived a gentle life teaching children in public school for forty years. The sanctuary of the church contained a very significant number of adults who, as children, were nurtured by Dick's teaching and who now wished to honor him. I learned about a man of good humor with a wit that enlivened family gatherings with his children, grand children, nieces and nephews. I learned about a man of tremendous hospitality who, as a docent at the DIA, introduced hundreds of curious visitors to the exciting beauty of art and music. I learned about a man of deep Christian faith and steadfast devotion to his church. I learned about a man who lived out that faith with immense compassion teaming up with his partner to provide for children displaced by the Vietnam war.

I hardly knew Dick. I had met him once or twice many years ago. I attended the funeral because I knew his partner, Jim. Jim and Dick lived in a faithful, committed and loving relationship for 53 years. Jim and I worked together years ago. I was the Director of Music in a church. In 1983 I hired Jim as accompanist and organist for that church. Jim brought great skill to the work of helping people sing their faith. My choirs were enlivened by his humor and his devotion to making music that opened the hearts of those gathered to worship. Jim and I clicked as colleagues in ministry. In all of the years since, I looked back upon my time working with Jim as a special time in my ministry. In all of those years I have lived with a vague regret that Jim and I found it necessary to work together without mentioning or acknowledging Dick's place in Jim's life. Perhaps Jim was unwilling to risk that reveal. I was unwilling to ask for it. We worked together under our own version of “Don't ask. Don't tell.”

I attended the funeral for Dick last Saturday as a personal act of casting off that regret and allowing my affection for Jim unfettered expression. I attended because, as one who has also lost a spouse to cancer, I know something about the self doubt and immense emptiness that loss brings. I attended because I wanted to be a part of the healing process for Jim. I attended the funeral hoping that doing so would, in some small measure, make up for the dishonesty I have accepted in my life and the pain we as a church have inflicted upon other children of God.

At Dick's funeral I discovered a community of faith devoted to God's love revealed in Jesus the Christ. I discovered a healing liturgy confronting the reality of death with the promise of Easter joy. I discovered accepting love that embraced Jim's broken heart and affirmed his fidelity to Dick. I discovered a church beyond doctrinal arguments and judgements. I rediscovered a God of love waiting for my United Methodist Church when it finally moves beyond power and politics and learns to accept all people as children of God.

I attended a funeral for Dick last Saturday. I found my way back to a God of love.

Dave Gladstone