Post Number Forty-Nine
Sunday, October 30, 2011 at 07:37PM
THROUGH THE FOG
It started out with the feel of a mini vacation. Terry and I at our beloved home on Lake Louise; she keeping her daily schedule at the camp; me taking advantage of the glorious October days to work outside on projects I have long planned to do. Then things began to change and change rapidly. First we met with our new oncologist and confirmed that chemo treatments were no longer effective. Then the pain medication was increased to help Terry through the day. Now the confusion associated with the medications has taken hold. Terry now moves through each day as though she is occupying a different world. She speaks to people who are not present. She conducts class in the middle of the night and asks me when the students will finish their assignments.
This is most difficult for me - to see this beautiful and creative person be unaware of her surroundings. How can it be that this disease and its treatment can change Terry in this way? My task for this situation is to see past the fog of Terry's confusion and embrace the unchanged person obscured by present conditions. That is the nature of fog. It hides a solid reality that remains behind the veil.
There are other more positive qualities to fog. It possesses a beauty of its own. It softens the harsh edges of reality and quiets the noise associated with the light of day. Terry's medically induced fog allows her to dwell for a time in the beautiful places of her memory. It takes the edge off the harsh reality that is now our daily routine. I am trying to cultivate an appreciation for these qualities.
Dave Gladstone
Reader Comments (1)
Dave - thank you for writing so eloquently and sharing your feelings during this difficult time. You are able to see the blessings that come with the pain (hers and yours). All of us who love you and Terry are learning from this experience, and we are grateful that you're willing to include us in the journey. Peace be with you both.