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The Isolation of Pain
We managed to get away this past weekend. What a blessing. As Terry said more than once during that time, "If I have to be sick, at least I can be sick in the place I love - Lake Louise."
We no longer think in terms of good days and bad days. We often speak of good hours and bad hours. Every day brought both. We are impatient. Now that the radiation is over we want her to feel better immediately. We have discovered that the body follows its own counsel. One cannot will it any other way.
This experience is teaching me something about pain. Pain is extremely isolating. Pain can be reported, but it cannot be shared in any way that truly lets the observer in. Terry's worst moments are beyond my capacity to appreciate. I can hug her. I can tend to her needs, but I do not truly know what the experience is like for her. In that sense this experience is hers alone.
Likewise, pain pushes out the other experiences in life. It takes all of her will to cope with the pain when it comes. There is no capacity left to do things with others - things that help her still feel connected and valued. Time and again Terry expressed saddness at missing out on the expereince of being together. Pain commands one's complete attention and reduces the horizons of life.
Moving beyond Terry's experience, it makes me wonder how much of the trouble we encounter in our world is a result of pain. Could it be that behind the anger and the hatred we see so much of these days there is pain that is unresolved and raw? Could the isolation and the closed mindedness we see so much of be understood as a manifestation of pain - physical, emotional or spiritual? Perhaps the best treatment for pain is a generous application of community and connectedness. If pain is isolating, then one of the things needed is for we who are not in pain to focus on being present with the one who is hurting to let them know that they are not alone. Is this not a way that we understand the life of Jesus? The technical term is incarnation.
Dave Gladstone